Exactly a month ago, it was Easter Sunday and I was at my parents' place for a few days. Then, I had a crazy, crazy week full of irrational events, and a weekend with my friend here in Zurich.The following week, I decided to take a step back and reassess my life, as I was going through some rough times. Mostly, I am really hard on myself and sometimes I lose confidence, going through periods of highs and lows. Often, I try to overcome these feelings by being strong and carrying on, but at times I just feel low. I have learned to enjoy the highs and cope with the inevitable lows of life as best as I can - I am not always successful, but, at least, I try my best to stay positive.
I have discussed and found inspiration from some dear people in my life, while others, albeit concerned for my well-being, don't really understand who I am, how I think, and what I do. In particular, I have been really motivated by a book I am reading, which encourages the reader to let go of some things, and start doing other things not because they are expected, but because one wants to do them.
Expectations are an aspect I particularly struggle with: on one hand, I place high expectations on myself, and on the other hand, I recognize that other people also place their high expectations on me. I am expected to be smart, rational, do well, settle down, et cetera. However, do I stop and wonder what is it that I really want? I have responsibilites, I generally make rational decisions, and keep my focus. At the same time, perhaps I am not interested in being rational, settling down, and all that. And this is also ok.
Last year, I started listening more to what my heart says, and, although it's been hard and I have questioned my choices many times inside me, I have not looked back and I have not regretted it. I plan to continue doing so - always with a rational backup plan in my drawer, of course. After all, they say:
"Expect the worst, hope for the best".
Earlier this month I turned 30, which makes me really happy and at the same time it makes me think about the place in life I am at the moment, and where I want to go. I have been having some general health and anxiety/ stress-related issues, I have been traveling quite a bit, and I have started letting go of things, situations, and people that, while important, are taking time and energy from me and the pursuits I want to focus on. At the same time, I have tried to strengthen and develop old and new relationships. I love, I hate, I am emotional, and I like every minute of it.
Now I will finish this week, then spend a few fun days with my friend in Lisbon. And then, on to new and exciting adventures: a greater focus on my blog and cookbook, developing my newly-official relationship, thinking carefully about my next steps, fighting my fights against the world. Business as usual, but with a pleasant twist.
Life is a good thing.